not wanting to date someone because you aren’t physically attracted to them doesn’t make you an asshole
wanting to sit at home watching TV instead of hanging out with people doesn’t make you an asshole
cutting off a friendship that was not satisfying to you doesn’t make you an asshole
you know what does make you an asshole? self promoting on other people’s posts
We need to take a large step back in time for a moment, to the early part of Freud’s era, when modern psychology was born. In the late 1890s, when Freud was in the dawn of his career, he was struck by how many of his female patients were revealing childhood incest victimization to him. Freud concluded that child sexual abuse was one of the major causes of emotional disturbances in adult women and wrote a brilliant and humane paper called “The Aetiology of Hysteria.” However, rather than receiving acclaim from his colleagues for his ground-breaking insights, Freud met with scorn. He was ridiculed for believing that men of excellent reputation (most of his patients came from upstanding homes) could be perpetrators of incest.
Within a few years, Freud buckled under this heavy pressure and recanted his conclusions. In their place he proposed the “Oedipus complex,” which became the foundation of modern psychology. According to this theory any young girl actually DESIRES sexual contact with her father, because she wants to compete with her mother to be the most special person in his life. Freud used this construct to conclude that the episodes of incestuous abuse his clients had revealed to him HAD NEVER TAKEN PLACE; they were simply fantasies of events that women had WISHED FOR when they were children and that the women had come to believe they were real. This construct started a hundred-year history in the mental health field of blaming victims for the abuse perpetrated on them and outright discrediting of women’s and children’s reports of mistreatment by men.
Once the abuse was denied in this way, the stage was set for some psychologists to take the view that any violent or sexually exploitative behaviors that couldn’t be denied- because they were simply to obvious- should be considered MUTUALLY caused. Psychological literature is thus full of descriptions of young children who “seduce” adults into sexual encounters and of women whose “provocative” behavior causes men to become violent or sexually assaultive toward them.